Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
