i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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