It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
