Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
