you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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