so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
