my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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