i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
should my penis look like a turkey
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
