I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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