I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
