You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
