I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I supernannyed him into submission
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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