I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
do nipples grow back?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
