I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
