The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
