The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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