I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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