I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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