everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
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We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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