ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize