did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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