You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
