After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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