I'm jealous of your bromance
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
