You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
