Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
