Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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