I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
