I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
