There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
