Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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