I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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