I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
