she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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