This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
