She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
