Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
