I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
