You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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