In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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