I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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