sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
