We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
