PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
