You're completely useless in the revolution.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
