idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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