Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
