I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize