Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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