just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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