Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
