omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
