You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
