i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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