In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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