The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I supernannyed him into submission
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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