mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
