I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
smell my finger.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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