I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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