Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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