Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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