I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
