well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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