Already got asked if we're dating
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
