I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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