and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
