I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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